The Final Tip-Off

Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.
~Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

I don't know who this de Givenchy guy is, but he must have known something. Not only haven't I had much time to get to know myself, but my hair style is also completely non-existentent.

For years I would get a haircut every 3 weeks. My hair averaged about a centimetre or two long, and often Eric would say I looked like I had backed into a lawn mower. Upon reflection I have to admit that my hair did maintain a certain 'freshly mowed' look. My friend Becky has this way of speaking her mind, and so knowing her it is no surprise that once she said my haircut made my head look like a bullet. What did make this a surprise though was that it seemed rather blunt considering she had only spoken to me twice prior to that.

Oh hi, nice to meet you, your head looks like a bullet.
~ Becky McT, 2002

Anyway, enough of my friends and their disparaging remarks. My haircut may have been bad, but my point is that with hair that short you don't really have to learn to control it. Now that I have shoulder-length hair I find I haven't any idea what to do with it. Even if I did, I'd have no clue how to accomplish it. My hair has some randomizing quality and as a result I can't seem to make it do the same thing twice. I feel like if I ever did manage to get my hair to look good on purpose, then I should probably run out and buy a lottery ticket.

Unfortunately on those rare times that I get my hair looking pretty good nobody ever gets to see it because it is about as stable as a house of cards. After a walk out to the car and I end up with a bird's nest all over again. It's frustrating, but not really a surprise. There are a lot of things I knew would be a struggle, so I look at doing my hair as just another of the things that will take me some time to learn. The part that I didn't predict though is why I wish I had learned it all by now.

My hair hair not only has a mind of it's own, but just recently it achieved a length that makes it possible to get itself into things. At first my hair would just get into my eyes, a few times it got into my mouth, but now it just seems to be getting into anything it can. Recently I made the first BBQ'd hotdog of the year. If you've ever seen me eat a hotdog you'd know that to me it is just a convenient way to scoop condiments into my mouth. I had it loaded with mustard and it was delicious. Later on I went to tuck my hair behind my ear and I felt something cold and wet on my neck. It seems that as I was eating my hair blew into the mustard and scooped up a big blob of it. Not only was I thoroughly grossed out but my hair was kind of stained yellow.

I thought that was bad enough but it gets worse. I've had a big bad messy cold for the past week or so, and last night I felt a huge sneeze coming on. I ran to the bathroom and held a piece of toilet paper to my face just in time to contain the mess. Afterwards I headed back to my room, and on the way I felt a little something oozing onto my shoulder...

Gross!
~ Sarah JM, last night.

I REALLY need to learn how to control my hair.