Great Big Shove

Last night I went to see Great Big Sea at the Field House. I went with the Little Nuckers (Regular Heather) and Mike, Cecille, and Shallon. Once we got there we ran into Megers and James as well as Lindsay and her friend (Tall Heather). Of course it just wouldn't be right not to mention Laura and Erin, the overly drunk couple besides us. They were boisterous, but I liked them... even though I think Erin spilled her beer on my shirt.

Before last night I was a GBS novice. I knew of them of course from the radio, but it turned out I was only familiar with five of the songs they played. Despite that, there wasn't one song I didn't like. We got there early and claimed a spot in front center almost within arms length of the security crew that was guarding the stage. We had to be vigilant to make sure our spots were not claim-jumped, but it was worth it. Not only did you get to see the band better, but that was where everyone was dancing and singing along. Up at the front was where all the action was, but Heather warned me that up there I might get shoved. She was right.

Once Great Big Sea started playing a lot more people pushed up to the stage, this was actually fun until She arrived. I don't know her name of course, but she was short and jovial looking. She and her boyfriend didn't just drift to the front, they forced their way. She pushed her way right in front of me, which meant she had to wedge right between Heather and I. I got shoved back and Heather got shoved forward. Heather reached behind and grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back to where I was. I did my best to get back behind her, but this meant I had to push the jovial woman over a bit, which was hard because a) I am polite, and b) that woman wanted to be where I used to be!

I managed to get a foot-hold back onto my territory, but the woman was not budging much. I was now sort of half behind Heather and half behind the pony-tail girl beside Heather. It was a pretty good spot except pony-tail girl's pony-tail was paint-brushing my face as she danced. I decided I could deal with that though if it meant a peaceful co-existence with the jovial shoving woman to my right.

The shoving woman though made it hard for me to be comfortable. She wanted to dance! I don't mean the jump-on-the-spot-hands-above-your-head dance that everyone else was doing, she was much more elaborate. She was making little kicks, swinging her hips, swaying all over and generally just flailing about. It was like a full-body upright seizure! I had to stand with my right foot sort of pigeon-toed so that she wouldn't be able to step on my toes. With every beat of the music she'd bump into me until after a few songs I was feeling a noticable sweater burn on my right arm. The worst though was when she would raise her arms above her head and swing them all over the place. Every once in a while when her arm swung in my direction I'd feel her diamond ring stab me in the forehead. It was almost embarassing for me to watch because honestly, it was like she was doing semaphore without the flags. It takes less arm motion to guide in a 747! Thankfully right in the middle of a fit of arm motions worthy of a drowning swimmer she left as suddenly as she had arrived. I felt a relaxing peace fall over the crowd and everything was perfect again.... until she came back a 20 minutes later.

It was right in the middle of Heather's favorite song (the Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na one) when I felt another great big shove. Thank goodness there were a hundred people pushing up behind me or else I would have fallen over. I looked over and saw that She was back. From the force of the shove it felt like she must have fallen onto me from the rafters or something. As I straightened up I saw a glint of light and ducked just in time to avoid that damn diamond ring. I leaned forward and said to Heather, "I just want to punch her!" Heather said "DO IT!!!"

I didn't punch her but I decided I was going to get back to where I was. The woman was not going to let me squeeze back in this time and she put her elbow out to stop me. I decided that it is about time being a transsexual worked in my favour, so this time I used my size to my advantage. I put the squeeze on her so hard that a few seconds later she popped like a zit into the row behind me. Thankfully she realized she was not going to win this fight and wordlessly surrendered. She stayed behind me for the rest of the concert. She still danced around like crazy, but it turned out to be a lot less painful to get poked in the kidneys with her boobs than poked in the face with a diamond ring.