Rethinking

I am often hard on myself for my weight. I can't seem to stop comparing myself to other women - especially the ones I see on TV and magazines. I always seem to notice that the average woman weighs a lot less than I do and this upsets me. It is silly because not only did I develop as a male for 33 years, but at 5'10" I am also in the top 1% of women in terms of height. It should follow that given my prior body development and my added height, that I should have some added weight as well, but for some reason I needed a reminder.

Normally I think it is awful how some people are criticized in magazines, websites and some entertainment TV shows, but right now I am grateful for one popular story. I don't know if you have heard, but recently some bikini pictures of Tyra Banks have made many tabloids run headlines about her weight, specifically about how fat she has become. I saw one TV show that reported she has 'ballooned' up to 160 pounds. I had been feeling fat already, but when I saw that show I felt sick afterwards. I laid awake in bed for hours and I decided to get up and do some push ups until I felt I could sleep.

Back when I was still a guy I weighed 225 pounds, but by Christmas of 2004 I had made it down to 173 pounds. At around that time I decided I needed a weight goal, so I looked up the ideal weight for a woman my height. The ideal weight for a woman of 5'10" turned out to be 159 pounds. I knew I wasn't the 'ideal' weight for a woman, but I felt skinny and healthy even though I never did make it to that goal weight.

In the past two years I gained thirty pounds back. I also lost the notion that I was exceptional in terms of height. I was comparing my weight to those of women that weigh 60-70 pounds less than me and I would feel like it is hopeless. Recently I have lost 8 pounds and even though I was proud of it, I was still feeling overwhelmed. Then today I happened to catch the cover of People magazine and it clued me in that I am not as bad off as I thought. It certainly feels good to know that at 161 pounds Tyra, who is the same height as me, isn't fat at all. She is just at her ideal weight.

Given that I have grew up developing as a male, I certainly have broader shoulders and a larger diameter rib cage than Tyra. I realize that alone probably means I will ever get to 161 pounds. Suddenly I feel like if I just lose 15 pounds more, that I will be at an ideal weight for me. Losing 15 pounds is not overwhelming at all.

Read the People article here: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20009611,00.html